Vancouver BC: A groundbreaking new study commissioned at the University of British Columbia combining nearly 5 years of research has produced some startling conclusions which fly in the face of popular belief, it's official; getting a blowjob does not constitute infidelity.
The revelation is the result of pioneering work by Professor Richard Head, Head of Research at the UBC School of Psychology. His study combined MRI images of the frontal lobes of more than 2500 women who had just been given the news that their partner had received a blowjob from another female. The reaction was compared to the images of a further 2500 female test subjects who had been informed that their partners had conventional intercourse with another woman.
Explains Dr Richard Head "the methodology allows us to carefully analyze and and measure the reaction and level of disgust in the test subjects. We couldn't believe the results when we saw them, it was indisputable. The subconscious does not lie, receiving a blowjob does not constitute cheating."
Women worldwide have been quick to dismiss the results, and the Medical Practitioners Association of British Columbia have distanced themselves from the results pending a full review which could take years, but for now men are taking the results as irrefutable"
Business at local massage parlors is up almost 140%, and Dr Richard Head is publishing the results in a book, due to hit the shelves in July.
Vancouver: The BC RCMP division has closed another high profile case today, without leaving the office. The well publicized case involved the theft of nearly $6.48 from office desks and drawers in the provincial RCMP Head quarters over a period of 9 months. The case involved dozens of man hours and an elaborate sting operation, where the suspect was finally caught in the act removing lose change from a colleagues desk in order to purchase snacks from a vending machine. A raid on the suspects home revealed several marked Canadian Quarters, and a single US Quarter along with Mars, Snickers, M&Ms and other confectionery - which the suspect has been unable to explain. The operation involved the Vancouver Police Department and several special forensic agents. VDP Police Chief Spokesman Jim Chu commented earlier "It's a great day for the people of BC who have been looking for closure on this heinous crime"
West Vancouver BC, Long heralded as some of the most expensive property in North America, West Vancouver's average home price sits in the $2.5 million range, and that's far too much for a Vancouver local area man's liking. "People are demanding affordable housing in waterfront condo's along False Creek, and in inner city areas today, and I thought why not pick a location where I can't afford to live, but would like to and give it a try as well"
He went on "...I want a view of the city and harbor, access to the beach, and something quiet." On his $120,000 income, the properties meeting his requirements are priced between $3.2 million and $6 million are well outside his affordability. "As a resident of Vancouver, I have the right to live wherever I want, and if I can't afford it, it's up to the government to make housing available for me." The 33 year old software developer currently lives in a 2 bedroom condo in Yaletown, valued at around $650,000.
Although seemingly strange to many North Americans, the idea that an individual should be able to live in a neighborhood which is otherwise unaffordable for them is not uncommon in Vancouver. The Carnegie Community Action Project's Jean Swanson, an outspoken advocate of affordable housing is taking on his case and vows to get him placed in a mansion "...somewhere west of the Lionsgate."
The BC Forestry commission - with the assistance of the BC provincial government has released an innovative new cookbook to help tackle the provinces pine beatle plauge. The cookbook details 101 recipes British Columbians can use to prepare the insects for consumption.
The insects are available in abundance and will be for the next 7 years as they have infested the provincial parks in plague proportions. The book details methods to capture, clean and cook 3 varieties of the beetle, including everything from salads, to chowders, taco's and pine beetle and apple strudel. Forestry minister Pat Bell remarked "I have personally tried and tested many of these recipes - and I can say they are fantastic, I want every British Columbian to pitch in and do their part - together we can turn this infestation into a gourmet local specialty."
The book will be available at Amazon.ca and at Chapters bookstores in February.
Vancouver BC: The RCMP is reviewing its cadet training and induction programs, specifically the module which focuses on kicking civilians in the face while they are on the ground. Kelowna RCMP superintendent Bill McKinnon has said "we've all seen the footage, and I think the question is, was the officer involved properly trained in the skill of apply pressure to the face, and frontal lobe area safely?" He went on to say "we are going to review and thoroughly audit chapter 3 of the RCMP Guide to Better Policing which specifically outlines safe manners in which a mountie can kick a person in the head while they are on the ground."
As an added precaution, mounties across the province will also each be issued with A Dummies Guide to Subtle Police Brutality. The text will help mounties understand basics, like looking around for a camera before committing serious assault on citizens, destroying evidence after the fact and ways to inflict abuse without any letting any signs of physical harm become visible. "Clearly, this mountie ignored all the basics in this engagement" McKinnon concluded.
Vancouver BC: Seems like everyone is talking about climate change these days and for most its a negative topic. Not however for the marketing team at BC Tourism who have decided to take the brightside approach. "Canada, is one of the few countries that's going to benefit from the global warming phenomena" a spokesman for BC Tourism remarked, who wished to remain anonymous.
According to a recent study and a CBC article, they are correct. Everywhere else a rise in global temperatures could be a disaster. But for sun starved British Columbians, the news is good. "An extra 5 degrees centigrade is going to go down very nicely here. And warmer climates are going to mean we are going to be able to market BC as a summer holiday destination" BC Tourism is planning on making BC the new California and is putting together a 25 year plan to develop and exploit the forthcoming heatwave.
"This is extremely exciting and represents a whole new opportunity for us" the BC Tourism spokesman went on, "Imagine eating a icecream and having it melt in your hands! Imagine it being hot enough to actually warrant taking of your shirt and walking around! Imagine having to see a skin cancer specialist about a mole that changed shape at the end of summer!"
While not everyone in the ministry is convinced this is a good position to take, they agree it's got merit and potential. "2035, is going to be a great summer in Vancouver, and we're counting on those emissions to keep the thermometers heading north"
BC's NDP Party have just announced plans to launch a new reality series on CTV entitled "BC's Next NDP Leader". The series will consist of 12 episodes in which NDP party hopefuls will compete for leadership and ultimately control of the fractured group, still reeling from the dramatic exit of it's recent "dear leader" Carole James.
Since James exit late last year, many internal candidates have put their name on the ballot however none of them seem to be garnering any support or interest from the party leadership team. Says outspoken MLA Jenny Kwan, "We decided that we needed some fresh talent and we probably need to look outside to get it. The ideal candidate is going to be bitter, have a real chip on their shoulder, looking to blame everyone else for their misfortune, and ideally they'll also have a very strong sense of entitlement, and very little personal responsibility. They'll basically looking for the same thing many of our supporters are - something for nothing."
The final 12 contestants will be selected from thousands of hopefuls by producers and an as yet unnamed selection of 3 NDP MLA's who will judge the performances week to week. Each week a contestant will be eliminated until the last contestant standing takes the leadership role. Contestants will battle it out in preset challenges; examples include: pandering to and winning support of public unions, giving money to every group asking without any regard to budget and stalling and blocking any and every public infrastructure project proposed.
The CTV Series is set to air at the beginning of February.
Take a look at the following bullshit. For years I have collected Aeroplan miles only on my CIBC gold VISA. (i am a United Mileage plus 1K member). So I am flying my parents down to LA and back in November and I decide to try and book with Aeroplan because the dates dont matter and they are usually incredibly hard to get flights with. Take a look at this ridiculous surcharge overview that AirCanada have presented me with...
See below for a direct comparison of the EXACT SAME routing 1st using Aeroplan, second using MileagePlus from United.
Aeroplan: 50,000 miles + USD$297!!! in taxes and fees for 2 roundtrip tickets
United Mileage Plus 50,000 miles + USD$85 in taxes and fees.
Aeroplan Options:
Review your itinerary DEPARTING
Vancouver (YVR) To Los Angeles (LAX)
Departs: 17:55
Arrives: 20:42
Stops: 0Tue Nov 9, 2010
Same day
Duration: 2h 47min Aircraft: E90
Meal: Available for purchase Flight#: AC558 Economy Total travel time: 2h 47min
RETURNING
Los Angeles (LAX) To Vancouver (YVR)
Departs: 07:00
Arrives: 09:48
Stops: 0Tue Dec 14, 2010
Same day
Duration: 2h 48min Aircraft: E90
Meal: Available for purchase Flight#: AC551 Economy Total travel time: 2h 48min .
Aeroplan Miles Required 50 000
2 Adults - ClassicFlight Reward - Economy
Total airport taxes, fees and surcharges (USD) $297.20 Airport taxes, fees, and surcharges will appear on your credit card statement as an Air Canada charge and will display your ticket number.
Adult(s)
Fuel Surcharge $51.60
Canada Goods And Service Tax $3.90
NAV Canada - Air Navigation Services $14.40
U.S Agriculture Fee $5.00
U.S Immigration User Fee $7.00
Canada Domestic/International Airport Improvement Fee $14.30
Canada Harmonized Sales Tax $1.70
U.S. International Transportation Tax $32.20
Canada Domestic/International Air Travel Security Charge $11.50
U.S. Passenger Safety Fee $2.50
U.S Passenger Facility Charge $4.50
Total airport taxes, fees and surcharges per passenger $148.60
Total passengers 2 Total airport taxes, fees and surcharges per passenger type $297.20
Grand total (USD) $297.20
Here;s the exact same routing with my United Mileage Plus Account:
Total fees USD$85 (for both!!!)
Flight info+ Flight details
Vancouver, BC (YVR) Los Angeles, CA (LAX)
Flight Depart Arrive Cabin
United 6894
Operated by: United Express/skywest Airlines YVR 01:16 PM
Tue, Nov 9, 2010 LAX 04:16 PM
Tue, Nov 9, 2010
Economy (XY)
Explus
Equipment: CR7
Duration: 3h
Non-stop
Fare code: XY
Traveled miles: 1081
No Meal Service
Flight details
1081 miles traveled
Economy
0 Award miles
Availability
Los Angeles, CA (LAX) Vancouver, BC (YVR)
Flight Depart Arrive Cabin
United 6894
Operated by: United Express/skywest Airlines LAX 09:40 AM
Tue, Dec 14, 2010 YVR 12:36 PM
Tue, Dec 14, 2010
Economy (XY)
Explus
Equipment: CR7
Duration: 2h 56m
Non-stop
Fare code: XY
Traveled miles: 1081
No Meal Service
Flight details
1081 miles traveled
Economy
Availability
Award payment information
Your current redeemable mileage balance is 122,086
How would you like to pay? (Prices include all passengers.)
50,000 miles
Pricing informationPrice breakdown
Name Fare(s) Additional
taxes and fees Fare subtotal(s)
Passenger 1 25,000 miles 42.60 USD 25,000 miles + 42.60 USD
Passenger 2 25,000 miles 42.60 USD 25,000 miles + 42.60 USD
In a groundbreaking study, researchers have discovered that the children of parents who own Blackberry's are suffering abuse, verbal heckling and sometimes even violence at the hands of the kids whose parents have iphones.
"I think those parents who own Blackberry devices need to take a hard look at themselves and ask themselves what kind of impact are their selfish decisions having on their children." Dianne McDaniels, Director of Child Welfare Services for British Columbia. "I think it's a combination of poor judgement and selfishness really"
She went on to describe the many benefits of the iphone over the blackberry and urged parents to act responsibly when making smart phone choices. Children of parents with blackberrys where displaying above average levels of anxiety, frustration, lower concentration levels and were displaying higher general levels of animosity towards their classmates.
Can you believe $360M goes into that neighborhood from 3 levels of government every year...and it still looks like a warzone. thats nearly $1M a day, to support 5000 junkies, homeless and mental health patients!!! Imagine what could be done if you rounded up all of these various programs, charities, shelters and consolidated that spending into 1 special organization to tackle the problems.
I have been wondering about this myself for a long time. where the fuck is all that money going? to support the industry of the DTE, and all the support groups that want a piece of that pie...can you imagine how much of that money gets to the people that need it!
This is really great stuff, and it's come from Richard Dawkins who is currently assembling a team of lawyers in England to charge the Pope with "crimes against humanity" for his role in covering up the abuse of thousands of children world wide, and providing pedophile priests with amnesty and shelter.
Lets start with Dawkins. Dawkins is a professor at Oxford University, (one of the best in the world) so he's no crackpot. He's an incredibly intelligent, and is an evolutionary biologist. He authored "The God Delusion", and I can't recommend this book enough. It's a fantastic read for anyone who believes that as atheists we should remain silent and let the atrocities of religion continue around us.
Anyway his charge is that the pope has enabled systematic widespread abuse of children throughout the catholic church, by silencing victims, covering up scandals, and protecting these fucking animal priests. and by many standards, Dawkins is absolutely spot on. Look at the way war criminals are prosecuted, all the way to the top. we need to take the same stance with the church, their ongoing assault against our most vulnerable citizens (our kids) has taken place on an international scale, in just about every single jurisdictions these fuckers exist in.
what baffles me are the sheep out there, who continue to put their children in harms way, and continue to attend church, putting money in the coffers of this abuse factory. it's time to bring down these velvet draped pedophiles, and expose the church for what it is...
Criminals worldwide are coming together to hail the Canadian criminal justice system as the best in the world. In a worldwide poll conducted by research firm Gartner Inc, 78% percent of criminals felt the Canadian system was superior to other G20 countries.
"In respect to the focus and respect for the perpetrator, and the amount of leniency and the short sentences, there isn't a better system in the world" claimed John Lee Gyzertistan, a felon serving a 25 year sentence in Folsom Prison, CA. "I'd love to be a criminal in Canada"
Canada ranked number 1 for the past 10 years in 3 of the top categories including shortest maximum sentences for class 1 felonies, highest number of days granted in lieu of time served and highest number of suspended sentences.
"Hell even the sex predators up there have it easy, it's amazing the compassion, forgiving nature of the canadian people" continued Gyzertistan.
The provincial trade minister was on the road this week to promote the provinces bustling pot industry. Speaking in the interior to a group of shabbily dressed trailer park residents the minister talked about the opportunities for young people: "This business is recession proof. It's a fast track to riches and it takes a basements and a set of lights to get started."
The minister went onto to provide the residents with guidelines and tips on everything from stealing your neighbors power to the power of hydrophonics.The minister will spend the next 4 weeks touring the interior, and other well out of the way locations. The minister also instructed attendees not to worry about law enforcement, "are you kidding, the RCMP are so stretched right now. Between their fuck ups at the airports, their DUI's and civilian beatings they couldn't find their way out of wet paper bag right now" he quipped. "plus we cut their operating budget in half. no you don't have to worry about them."
An unidentified 23 year old Surrey man has opened up about the frustration he's facing with his mother. A wannabe gangbanger, the 23yr old male is struggling to establish "street cred" driving his mothers 1997 Hyundai Accent. He has made several unsuccessful demands that she at least trade in for an Impala or a Chevy Camaro. "I tried to put some rims on it and a larger exhaust to salvage the least amount of respect" he claimed "however with 12" wheels and the off white paint, it's just impossible".
The youth who lives with his 61 year old mother, claims he's been the victim of taunting and can't gain a footing in the lucrative Surrey drug trade due to the lack of "bling" in his "ride". "Even the high school kids won't buy from me. they think with a ride like this, my shit is no good" claims the youth. "Mom just needs to give me a hand, like any mom would" The youths mother was unavailable for comment, however relatives claim "she's fed up with his shit".
Police in Vancouver are appealing to the public to complete their paperwork for them. In the latest request for assistance the police are asking for the public to complete and fill out various forms including 1020-7's, 60ls and even their timesheets.
"We've got the public doing just about everything else, so why not our paperwork as well." constable James Chu, Division head of the Vancouver detachment claimed in a press conference yesterday. "Today the public are handling community watch programs, video taping alot of our confrontations, looking for criminals on the loose, capturing fugitives why not fill out a few forms before they go home"
With alot of police tied up in inquiries and scandals, taking paid time off, seeking treatment for alcohol abuse and anger management the force is around 60% capacity right now. Anyone willing to help is asked to contact the Vancouver Police on 911.
it seems that dog owners in Vancouver don't have any problem fucking in front of their animals, and as a result some of dogs are suffering. dogs traumatized often show symptoms such as nausea, asphyxiation and in severe cases paralysis. dogs exposed to excess stimulation may also be more aggressive. Vancouver Pet Refuge Director of Service, Gordon Farcus said it's baffling how people can be so insensitive. "i mean you wouldn't have sex in front of your children, why on earth would you do it in front of your dog."
[DARTH VADER/JAY-Z]
Yeah
No longer Anakin
Formerly a Skywalker
Son's next rebel hero
But I'll be Sith forever
I'm the newest Dark lord And since my training years
I can choke from anywhere
Yeah my force is everywhere Used to run with Obi Wan We were both best buds foreva
But after three movies Now I've got a blood vendetta Grew up on Tatooine
No vegetation Catch me rolling through the cosmos in a moon-like station to Leia's home nation Death Star wrecks it Now princess knows, Vader ain't one to mess with
Flying through the trenches
Blasting rebel noobies
What happened to the fat one
Think he died of heart disease All that's left is this guy
Chasing him in my TIE I won't deny That his force is pretty damn high
Damn i just got wiped out
Falcon shot the back of me
Spinning into outerspace
But I'll be back definitely
[PRINCESS LEIA/ALICIA KEYS]
In Star Wars Empire is out to find Leia Death star plans in R2 Shoot the exhaust port Kenobi may now be see-through But the force is within Luke
Let's hear it for new hope, new hope, new hope
[Vader: You're welcome Obi Wan... I made you a ghost!]
[DARTH VADER/JAY-Z]
Catch me rockin boots and a cape like superman
Hell, I made wearing black more famous than that Jay-Z can
You should know I'd find you, hiding out at Echo
Now I got a Blizzard Force eliminate you quick yo
Welcome to the planet Hoth AT-ATs hit the spot Walking tanks are too legit
But they fall down a lot Check the front, check the back, cant find the Falcon yet
We need them all alive, so no disintegrations Boba Fett 8 million asteroids, where'd your little ship go?
Get me to Cloud City, I got Lando on my payroll
Me I gotta double check if carbonite's ok If freezin's safe for Han
Doing Luke the same way
New deal Lando
Ain't no pardon
Kid blew up my boys
Rest in peace Moff Tarkin
Turns out we are family
Embrace your dark fate
Dad and son together, yo No way the emperor's safe, cause...
[PRINCESS LEIA/ALICIA KEYS] In Star Wars
Now Han Solo's a coffee table
There's nothing Luke can do [Vader: Should've joined me, bro!]
He's on Dagobah
With some dyslexic Jedi dude
Right hand still got sliced through Looks like they struck back, struck back, struck back
[DARTH VADER/JAY-Z]
Lightsabers grinding
Palpatine's smiling
Cause he knew it would come to this The light side is blind with casualties
Who do evil casually, then gradually become worse
Don't fight your destiny
Wasn't a great dad, true
Absent all the while
No happy times behind us, and plus, now I'm killin' you
Keep fencing mister, 'cause now I sense a sister
You don't go bad, maybe I'll enlist her
Now Emperor wants you, only wants me rubbed out You controlled your anger, stayed light side devout Watch out kid, he's got lightning bolts to immolate Uh-uh, hell no, daddy powers activate
End this prune with a badass murder suicide
Bald headed, mask off, heart melted kid you were right Burn all my gear so those Ewoks can't wear it again
Do it, I'll be watching you, a ghost, name of Anakin
[PRINCESS LEIA/ALICIA KEYS] In Star Wars
Destroy new Death Star's generator
Ewoks to the rescue
Blast through to the core
This Regime's gonna be brand new
Galactic Empire's through
The Jedi have returned, returned, returned
An unidentified tourist from Portland, OR was furious and demanding answers from Tourism BC and the City of Vancouver yesterday after learning that the hookers that used to be located on the South end of Seymour were no longer there. "This is just bullshit, absolute bullshit" the 32 year old Oregon native claimed. "I was here 3 years ago and there were some amazing fucking hookers here. they wore white knee high boots and you could spot them in a second. Now there's nothing but a fucking Blends Coffee and a bus stop"
His outrage was shared by construction crews at a nearby condo development who were wondering who they were supposed to whistle and shout at now the hookers had gone. Construction foreman Andrew Whitehall was quoted as saying "...well there used to be plenty to make noise at. now maybe once or twice a day we get a girl in some yoga pants, maybe a visible thong once a week but that's rare now."
Surrey, BC - a man has been charged with a fatal stabbing during a party last weekend at a house party in Surrey. A 32 yr old man was arrested soon after and claimed, "Well everyone else around here was stabbing people, i didn't think it was a big deal".
VANCOUVER: The city today announced a new program for up and coming car thieves. The program aims to provide entrants into this busy job market with the skills to work and a tool kit to help them get established.
Mayor Gregor Robertson was quoted as saying "it's a tough market. these kids have got to worry about the police, bait car programs and on top of that vehicle that are increasingly difficult to steal with complicated alarms and engine immobilizers."
The city says this will help some of the nearly 1500 kids a year who try to get their foot in the door, and that it would help get kids off the street, pay for their drug habits and provide a nice boost to the provincial insurance coffers. "It's a win win" Mayor Gregor continued, "this is something we have a reputation for being the best in North America at, and I don't want to see that change."
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